the whole sky

Sehari dua kali ya nulisnya. Kayak minum obat aja, haha. Lagi hampa sekali nih boy . Cuma mau bilang, tengah malam gini baru aku sadar. Seberapa indah, menggiurkan, dan mempesonanya sesuatu, yang virtual tetap tidak bisa menggantikan yang nyata. Kamu atau saya boleh sepanjang hari yang dari baru bangun sampai mau tidur ngekhayal yang iya-iya sampai yang enggak-enggak, lanjut berdelusi sepuasmu tentang apalah-apalah itu, sampai nangis ngegalauin oppa Korea padahal mereka nggak tau sama kamu. TAPI, ujung-ujungnya kamu cuma bakal ingin dia . Dia siapa, itu terserah kamu. Tapi, pasti nih, pasti semenyakitkan apapun dia, yang nyata akan selalu nyata dan berwujud. Senin, 30 Oktober 2017 00:10 WITA

Kamu kemana? :( Kamu kenapa ngilang? Aku ada salah, ya? Kenapa chatnya ga pernah di balas lagi? Kenapa cuma di read doang? Kenapa kamu ga pernah liat story-ku lagi? Kamu juga ga nge-love postingan ku lagi. Padahal aku tahu kamu ada di mana-mana. Kamu ga kangen sama saat itu? Saat kita ngobrol sampai lewat tengah malem? Aku yang ngejauh? Ya, kamu kan udah ada dia. Yakali aku dengan gatau dirinya ngechat kamu kaya dulu. Chat yang receh, konyol dan ga penting. Mungkin buat kamu aku ga penting, ya. Ini bukan in a r omantic-ways ya, tolong. Aku cuma pengen kita kaya dulu. Yang obrolannya selalu random. Tapi kalau emang gabisa, ya ga papa. Emang udah waktunya ya? :) Minggu, 29 Oktober 2017 14:xx WITA

I'm an emotional mess. I am broke. Yes. There are too much up, down, split, crack and void in my graphic. One day I feel right, like I am the happiest person on earth. No storm nor explosion could ruin it. Second day, I could feel the power inside of me. I told myself that I could conquer the world with this power. Next day, I feel like goddamn savage. No conversation without sarcasm or meme. Blessed you if I was your ally those day. Another days I am the most ignorant version I could be. Think that my words were nothing but trouble and poison. The other days, I cried out of nothing. Image of any parent: cry. My favorite characters found their lovers: cry. See a cutie duck: cry too! Like why the hell the world become so sentimental out of nothing? And many other day I struggle to have faith on my own self. Stand for my own self, and defend my own consciousness from the thoughts of the people around me. I once thought that they were right and they judge me because what I did...

"Loneliness in the crowd." Sentence I've read and heard for only God knows how many damn time. But I don't think that it was only loneliness for sure. As in my case, I never felt the loneliness as the mock. I think that loneliness is a safe point. Nobody would care with what you do, and no one would bother you. What I felt the most when I was in the crowd were just numb, void, and empty. When I was in the crowd, I feel myself shown the side I never knew was exist. I was suddenly became the me I never want to be. And everything happens in my mind. I was sometimes get scared on how my minds work. I give comment to everything the crowds are doing. I sometimes corrected the words they have said. I sometimes even think of how to humiliate the person that bothered my darker side. It was creepy but in the same times I could feel the power that I was actually afraid of. I became ignorant, I don't care with what they say or how they feel anymore. All I think a...