the whole sky

Semuanya, semuanya, semuanya.... Semuanya harus tahu, selama ini aku bermain peran. Berbaur dalam perayaan? Tertawa seirama dengan musik? Bicara tentang filosofi kebahagiaan? Semuanya terasa alami, tidak pernah terlalu berat untuk ditampilkan. Yang semua orang tahu, aku yang semua orang tahu, tidak pernah seperti itu. Sangat mudah memanipulasi penampilan; siapapun bisa mencorat-coret dinding sesuka hati dan menyebutnya karya seni. Tapi, tetap saja ia kacau, balau, ricuh, terlalu abstrak untuk disebut indah. Apa yang orang-orang harapkan dari balik kain putih bersih, kain sutra, atau kain tenun bermotif indah? Ukiran indah, vas keramik kuno dari dinasti Tang, lukisan Van Gogh, permata lapis lazuli, sebut saja semuanya. Siapa yang tidak akan kecewa jika yang ada dibaliknya hanyalah cawan tembikar biasa? Yang dibuat oleh orang biasa? Menggunakan teknik pembuatan yang biasa saja? Semua orang akan kecewa dan itu wajar. Orang-orang cenderung mengharapkan kado  yang indah dari...

you know i have this diminutive obsession, to the street, and the intersections, and streetlights. how people passed by walked among those ordinary stuffs, how they witnessed everything aged long the way, how stories happened and written for everyday. to the streets that brought people together along the way, to the intersections that brought people to go to their own separate way, to the power pole that connect the boundaries over states, we never lose someone we've met. we just registered them to the part of our consciousness, that will celebrate the next encounter we never plan.

Mungkin aku hanya sibuk mencari-cari alasan, mencari-cari pembenaran; tapi kamu tidak mungkin datang tanpa menerjemahkan pertanda. Kamu tidak mungkin mengetuk jika tidak yakin akan berbalas .

After all those time apart from you, I braced myself to tell you what I have felt for so damn long . "I miss you, I miss you so bad. Please, let me see you, let me come and touch you." There was a brief silent. But that didn't prepare me for what's coming next. "Do you think I don't miss you too? Don't you think I miss us back together? Bare with all of these a little more, so we both could learn that this feeling is sacred and don't take our time together for granted." Yes, at that exact time, I cried.

Hey, bisa tidak kita berhenti berpura-pura bodoh? Semua orang sudah   tahu. Hanya kita berdua yang berpura-pura tidak tahu. Apa? Mau mengelak?

Well, maybe I underestimated my blessing too much. Nothing happened for a certain period in my life and I thought that I have lost, I could not do it, I could never finish it, God had abandoned me, God left me. Guess what? He answers, the damned whole universe answer me back. In the most unexpected way. Nothing happened for a certain time, didn't mean that life stops at that time. Maybe it did stop, but just to hold you back from clashing to another event that will happen in a certain time ahead. So that you could take a step back and see another possibilities that you could grasp. By now, I will try to accept everything as it is, without trying so hard to understand it, without trying to work it out on my own broken bridge. Instead, I will just try to do it my own way, and let God answers me.

hey you, how have you been? it's been eight months since i saw you it's been eight months since our last time trading smile and it will be a year in total for our next meeting that, if i don't caught up in my own business too much though i already planned to take final tasks, but i know it won't be that easy i know you were busy too the last time i'm home, i just saw you for two days in total you were so busy i don't know what did you want to reach i don't know what your goal is i don't even know how are you doing right now maybe we've been too caught up in our next step that we have no time to reminisce our 20 long years road sorry, i was wrong it wasn't even 20 maybe we only have 5 or 7 years to reminisce cause the rest was fading into blur we took the gap too far in our friendship our years our distance it will be a year to our next meeting and i still am a panicked nerd when i see you later if you ask what h...