the whole sky

Have you been fighting it for your whole life? Have you been struggle all these time? How was your days and nights? How many times you have to turn your back against the world just to save my world? How often did your heart ache because of me? How long have you suffered because of me? How many times you shed tears in the middle of the night; when I was sleep so carefree, so you thought that I won't know your tears? I was so selfish. All you did, it's always have to be about me. I was upset if your world didn't revolve around me. Still you think about me? Did you still? Still I can't reach out for you first. But, nothing matters anymore with your mere existence. Now it's never them or anyone, it's more than me. It was you. Both of you.

Some were blessed with a long live. Some were blessed with a long journey. Some were blessed with a long story. Some were blessed with a great life. Some were blessed with a universe. But, I was blessed enough with this long and vast space between us. Be grateful for us didn't fated yet to met, cause neither of us know, what kind of twist we were blessed with.

... karena kita ada di jalan yang berbeda, tak bisa mendekat ataupun bersentuhan. Hanya saling menatap manik mata, bertukar sapa dalam bisikan; two idiots who could only exchange gazes. Kita saling bertatapan, takut untuk mengalihkan pandangan, sebab kita tak tahu pasti bila akan bersirobok tatap kembali. Saling memandang dalam diam. Berharap kita dapat saling berkomunikasi lewat tatapan mata; berharap kamu mengerti makna teriakan diamku; berharap kamu melihat bagaimana percikan itu kini berubah menjadi gemuruh api; berharap kamu cukup berani untuk menghampiriku lebih dulu; Sebab, sudah berapa kali kita berselisih waktu dan tempat? Dan sudah berapa kali kita kecewa setelah mengetahuinya? Jika, jika kita mau sedetik saja mengalah--mengabaikan ego kita, mungkin kita akan dipertemukan. Tapi kita tahu, kita terlalu sombong untuk tunduk pada takdir. We'll never meant to be together...

Pointless ride, cold wind against my face, frozen finger on my fist; that much to calm those needless heat inside me. Maybe I broke too much, hence it took too long to heal. Maybe.

Okay, are you anxious about other people's thoughts toward you? Pernahkah kamu merasa tidak nyaman  dengan kiriman sesorang di media sosial? Pernahkah kamu merasa bahwa kamu hanya sebernilai tatapan yang diberikan padamu? Semua orang pasti pernah mengalami ketidaknyamanan. Tapi bagaimana jika ketidaknyamanan itu berlangsung terus-menerus? Bagaimana jika ketidaknyamanan dari luar itu malah membuat kita tidak nyaman dengan diri kita sendiri? Atau lebih buruk, kehilangan diri kita sendiri? Pemikiran seperti 'saya memiliki masalah mental' dan 'mental saya bermasalah', benar-benar bukan sesuatu yang kita ingin pikirkan. Bahkan pemikiran sesederhana 'apa yang salah dengan saya?' benar-benar bisa menjerumuskan kita pada hal yang tidak-tidak . Dalam sebuah kiriman pada akun informasi visual Insider, disebutkan bahwa 1/3 mahasiswa tahun pertama di Amerika Serikat memiliki masalah dengan kesehatan mentalnya. Kebanyakan mereka memerlukan penanganan intra kampus...

but, you know, life was never easy; what ifs, wrong timing, distance, red thread, unrequited love, ghosts from your past. Who knows about ours....

Could you imagine, fly return to home late evening, in a golden hour, and fly off home early morning, in a magic hour, and between those flight is a dreamy time with the people of stars. What a wonderfully bitter-sweet journey. -06.09-06.19.18 On a dreadful struggle to meet the faces I've known and missed.