I'm sorry, If I talked too much about you, that everybody engrossed in how cruel you were to me. I'm sorry, if I talked too much about me, that everybody saw only my pain on your face. I'm sorry, if I wrote too much about you, that everybody recognized every scar you left me. I'm sorry, if I wrote too much about me, about how you broke and bent me, about what a jerk you were. Forgive me, I didn't intend to talk about you, notoriously. I realize that, you were just an unwilling victim. You didn't mean to make me love you, didn't you? You never meant to lure me in, right? And I'm sorry, for being so hard to love. I mean, if it was easier, maybe you didn't have to live in such nonsense of my words. And you didn't have to cause such a heartbreak. Didn't you? I'm so, so sorry. But one need to heal. I'm just so sorry, that I had to heal through writing about you. I'm sorry. You deserved to be remembered as more pleasant memory to the w...
you know i have this diminutive obsession, to the street, and the intersections, and streetlights. how people passed by walked among those ordinary stuffs, how they witnessed everything aged long the way, how stories happened and written for everyday. to the streets that brought people together along the way, to the intersections that brought people to go to their own separate way, to the power pole that connect the boundaries over states, we never lose someone we've met. we just registered them to the part of our consciousness, that will celebrate the next encounter we never plan.
Semuanya, semuanya, semuanya.... Semuanya harus tahu, selama ini aku bermain peran. Berbaur dalam perayaan? Tertawa seirama dengan musik? Bicara tentang filosofi kebahagiaan? Semuanya terasa alami, tidak pernah terlalu berat untuk ditampilkan. Yang semua orang tahu, aku yang semua orang tahu, tidak pernah seperti itu. Sangat mudah memanipulasi penampilan; siapapun bisa mencorat-coret dinding sesuka hati dan menyebutnya karya seni. Tapi, tetap saja ia kacau, balau, ricuh, terlalu abstrak untuk disebut indah. Apa yang orang-orang harapkan dari balik kain putih bersih, kain sutra, atau kain tenun bermotif indah? Ukiran indah, vas keramik kuno dari dinasti Tang, lukisan Van Gogh, permata lapis lazuli, sebut saja semuanya. Siapa yang tidak akan kecewa jika yang ada dibaliknya hanyalah cawan tembikar biasa? Yang dibuat oleh orang biasa? Menggunakan teknik pembuatan yang biasa saja? Semua orang akan kecewa dan itu wajar. Orang-orang cenderung mengharapkan kado yang indah dari...
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